Wake up and dream

I recently listened to an interesting Radiolab podcast about a guy who had the same terrifying nightmare for more then 20 years of his life.

( listen to the podcast here ) Where he fights with a crazy phycho guy whos trying to murder him in his house. 

He only ends up getting rid of this nightmare by using lucid dreaming techniques to take control of the dream itself and "defeat it." 

It's an amazing story and I encourage you to listen to the podcast.

Lucid dreaming, if you've never heard of it, is basically having a dream, and being aware of it while you are in it. The idea is that by being aware that you are dreaming, you can eventually learn to have some sort of control over your dreams as you have them. For example: You could decide to fly, choose to be in a certain location or time, or...... play out your weird erotic fantasies. 

One of my favorite movies when i came out back in the early 2000's was Vanilla sky starring Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruise. I wont assume you've ever seen it and give away the not-so-secret secret, but basically there is a lot of lucid dreaming going on. Watch it tonight. 

After watching this movie and reading up about lucid dreaming I decided to try and have my own lucid dreams. There's a lot of info online of course with all sorts of techniques you can use to try and induce them. Some of them are really elaborate and since I like to choose the simplest least time consuming methods, I went for these techniques:

As you lay in bed preparing to fall asleep, repeat this mantra over and over in your head " I'm having a dream, this is a dream right now" The idea is that at some point in your dream you will think this and it will help you realize that you are in a dream.

Another method was to visualize a watch or clock or something, but this was way to complicated so I actually just used the above method.

I was determined and dedicated, so I did this every fricken night for almost a month. Or a few weeks but it felt like a month. I was about to just quit, and then it happened. I remember it very vividly.

I was in a dream and I suddenly thought..... "Im in a dream right now" and just like they say, I realized I was in fact inside of a dream. And then in a matter of seconds, this happened: I tried to see. I focused really hard on what was around me, and for almost a second it was as clear as reality, and then I suddenly woke up.

I had this happen once more. But it was pretty much the same thing. As soon as I realized I was in a dream I would wake up.

At this point I was really sick of doing the weird mantra chanting every night and it seemed like more work then it was worth, so I just stopped doing it. I havent had any near lucid dreaming since then.

The idea of lucid dreaming is still fascinating to me.  I'm amazed at how elaborate the podcast dreamers dream was and how much control he seemed to have over it. I'm curious to know if I have other friends who have tried any lucid dreaming techniques and what sort of success they've had.  I'm even tempted to start doing the mantra again.

Raising money is hard.

The first time I ever had to raise money for something was when I was 12. For a trip to Panama with a fired-up youth missionary group called Teen Mania. I blogged about this before.

In order to go I needed to come up with a whopping $1000. This was back in 1980-something too so... it would probably be about a million dollars today. It could have been a million dollars back then too, because I know that I had never touched a $1000 at that point in my life. That was big people money. The most money I had ever held in my own had was about $50 or $60, earned off the paper route I did after school, and even that was impressive at the time.

To get it, I had to ask for money from everyone. I wrote letters, handwritten pencil to paper letters about how many souls I would be saving and how much Jesus really wanted me to be there. I said what I needed to say, and I got my $1000.

Asking for money is much harder then giving money. If you don't believe me then you've probably never done it.

To be honest the idea for American Culture Shock began with me simply trying to come up with a way to pay for my trip back home to the states. Plane tickets are up to around $2000 which is no trivial amount these days. I tried simple charity at first, asking people to chip in for half of the cost of my plane ticket... but really..... who likes to give money for practically nothing in return.

I had been thinking a lot about a trip back to the states, and what it would be like for me, so the idea of creating a documentary film came easy.

Its interesting what happens after launching a project like that though. I realize that people won't be chipping in to see me come for a visit to the states, they will be backing a project, and expect me to make a decent video documentary. The personal pressure flows in too. If I'm going to make a video documentary..... and people are going to say "this is what Chris made"...... well.... shit...... it better be fucking good.

A simple plane ticket wont make a good documentary. You need.... other stuff for that. Expensive equipments, and a lot of hard work and weekends spend sitting at a laptop editing hours and hours of footage.

For anyone who's curious about why I asked for $3500, here is the basic breakdown:

$1000-$1200 A camera : probably a Canon 60D.. This is the cheapest professional quality camera I could probably buy

$1000 partial travel expense coverage. $1000 only pays for half of my plane ticket, I'll pay the other $1000. 

$400 - $600 Audio equipment, like mics.... 

$300 - 500 lighting

$100 - $200 lightweight tripod

$100 ish Digital Storage - I'm going to need a way to store lots and lots of HD video while doing this... 

Other basic cost will include some way to pack all this together, a bag or case or backpack that is easy to move around quickly and safely, extra Memory cards, and probably a whole hosts of things I can't predict.

Why should anyone want to help pay for all this? 

Why when I was 12 were people willing to help me out with $1000 to go save souls in panama?

The immediate answer is that they were all friends and family members, and who's more willing to help you out then friends and family. But more importantly... everyone likes a good story. Saving the souls of the panamanian jungle tribe makes for a great story. With the rise of China and the "decline" of America dominating most of the economic news for the last few years..... coming back to the good 'ole U.S. of A. after years spent in Asia makes for a good story too.

Whether or not I'll be able to tell it is still up in the air. 25 people have backed $1881 of the cost of the project so far. That's great, and I really appreciate those who have gone out on a limb for me.

But I still need to raise the other other $1619 and although theres only about 2 weeks left, I still believe I have a chance of getting there. Here's what I would need in the next few weeks:

161 people to back me for $10 each. OR...

64 people to back me for $25 each. OR...

Only 32 people to back me for $50 each! ( this one really sounds the easiest.... ) OR...

16 people to back me for $100 each... OR

Just 3 people to back me $500 each.... OR...

one person to pitch in the whole $1619... which of course if highly unlikely....

This is do-able.

When the time finally came and I walked my skinny little 12 year old body onto the plane headed for panama, it made all that begging and pleading for help worth the time and effort, and in the end those people who pitched in got to experience it with me, through the stories I shared upon my return.

There's still 2 weeks left! Go pitch in $50 and share my stories ( not to mention the fact that you'll receive some pretty cool rewards including a copy of the finished film... yeah.. its not exactly charity )

Do it now... click Here.

Chris!

Culture Shock, both in America and abroad.

When I was 18 a good friend of mine, who's name ironically is Chris as well, moved to Japan to study abroad for year. While he was gone, I have to admit that I barely noticed. When he came back it seemed as if he hadn't been gone at all. For me that is. But he was different, and it was hard to figure out how. He was quieter, and seemed less interested or excited in anything. Later he admitted to me that he had become incredibly depressed on his arrival back in America.

When he talked about Japan, he always looked alive again. It sounded like the most amazing place. The stories were always fantastic. But even now I can remember hearing him talk about his trip to Japan and sort of feeling like I was listening to someone explain the plot line of a really cool movie they just saw. It sounded cool, but it wasn't real for me.

I've been in Asia now for 3.5 years. When I think of how long its been, I'm surprised, and yet I'm not. In that time I've discovered a place that I really love, a place that I connect with in ways that are incredibly hard to explain. And I've changed.

I've been thinking about my trip home for years. I have to admit Im terrified and I'm not sure why.
I can't wait to see my family and friends and yet, it feels as if I'm suddenly preparing for a journey to a far away unknown country, filled with strange people. Its a slightly similar feeling as when I first read the rough guide book "First Time Around The World"   I was excited, but scared as well. Reading a book about something, or even thinking about it is never completley like the real thing.

I'm not alone in this. The experience of Culture Shock both in and outside peoples home country is a fascinating phenomenon. I think it's worth it to try and capture it as it happens to me and the people around me. Which is the reason for my new project: "American Culture Shock"  Since creating a documentary film is fairly new to me as well, it will be a fascinating journey on its own, and I'm looking forward to the challenges.

I never did get a chance to fully appreciate and understand what my friend Chris was going through,
now it looks as if I will.

Please share my project, and support me if you like what I'm doing. There is a widget to the right.
View the complete project here.





http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/chriswhubbard/american-culture-shock

What was your first memory?

What's the very first thing you remember in life? Your first memory.

I was recently at lunch with a friend and we started talking about this. She was having a hard time figuring out what might be her first... and I'm curious to know if anyone else ever thinks about that.

My first memory is when I am probably about 3 years old. Its a bit fuzzy, like a dream, but here is what I piece together.

I'm 3. I live with my family in Alaska, in the military housing area. The neighbor kid had a really cool toy. It was an airplane that when you squeeze a trigger the propellers would spin. One day I stole it from their yard so I could play with it. I wandered down to a school ( I think it was a school ) and one of the teachers asked me if I was looking for someone, and where I got the toy. I felt guilty, because I knew the toy wasn't mine. And I felt like i was a long way from home. I ran back towards home.

That's it. That's the first thing I can recall in life.

help me get to the wedding and I'll bring you a treat from the States!

What are friends for anyways? Come on... buy me lunch. In turn I'll get to see my best buddy get married in the States, and I'll bring you back a special treat from the U.S. of A.

Check out that shameless chip in widget to the right........

do it.

The Taiwan Oyster

Last night I went to see the opening movie of the Urban Nomad Film Festival, Mark Jarretts "The Taiwan Oyster"

The basic story is of two Americans, living as English teachers in Taiwan. One night while partying on the roof of a friends house, some guy decides to try his luck and and jump from the roof they're on... to the roof of another house, but he doesn't quite make it. The two American friends go on a road trip around Taiwan looking for a place to bury their fallen "countryman".


I Liked the movie. As a foreigner living in Taiwan it's quite easy to connect with and understand the characters and the environments they find themselves in. That's what the real story was for me, a reflection on the different emotional states we find ourselves in here, as well as the different types of people that exist here around us and how we all absorb what's going on differently.


The main character, Simon, comes across as having a sort of ambivalence about the place he lives in. He doesn't seem to particularly enjoy living in Taiwan, its just a thing to do until his real career gets started.... or doesn't.  I feel like this is the general attitude of the majority of the English teachers living in Taiwan. They come for a few years, have a good time, travel, then get sick of it and move back home to start different lives. I like that the movie doesn't make a judgment on this though. I've always felt that the English teaching community gives themselves a way harder time they deserve. I also feel that the "English teacher stereotype" is something that persist because, unfortunately it tends to be reinforced by friends, family and even the Taiwanese. Most of the teachers just get so down, not because they don't like living here, or don't have good jobs, but because there's a constant suggestion in the air that they are doing something wrong. Multiplied by the fact that being a foreigner can make you feel out of place and disconnected from the world around you.


Even though I'm not an English teacher, I'm still able to connect with the part of Simon's character that seems to be in a limbo about how he's supposed to feel about his life in Taiwan and what his future should look like. Taiwan has more foreigners now then it did 10 years ago, but it's still not a place you easily blend into.


In contrast to Simon there is the character of his friend Darin. Darin is great. He's the big bulky American guy who is a bit wild and crazy, annoyingly optimistic and loving his life as an English teacher in Taiwan. He's the guy who thinks he's immersing himself into the local culture by loving the weird foods and praying at the temples, but in reality he comes across as over the top and a little ridiculous.


My favorite part about Darin is the outfit he's in, and how it reflects his character so well. His ripped sleeveless shirt is about as "American dude" as it gets, yet if you look close you see he's wearing a funny little hairpiece that on first glance looks..... kind of Asian. But then.... it looks a little silly as well. I found myself wondering the whole time if the hairpiece was supposed to look like asian influence or not, and that's the point I think. He's trying real hard to be subtle, but it's all just a little off the mark. 


There's a moment in which the two are chatting on the beach in Fulong. Darin looks at Simon and says " you know what I like about you, you see me the way I see myself"  Simon isn't sure that's true, and we as the audience aren't either, which is pretty brilliant.


I'm very curious to know how the Taiwanese watching the movie perceive what's going on, and how it might contrast with the way I do. Or maybe it doesn't.


By the end of the movie I felt quite moved for some reason. Maybe it was all the beautiful shots of the Taiwan I've grown to love so much. Maybe it was because for the first time I felt a lot of the emotions of being a foreigner reflected back to me in semi-obscure and yet painfully obvious ways.


My first year in Taiwan seemed like a never ending "going-away party" for friends I barely knew. People would pop into your life and then out so fast.


Throughout the movie Simon and Darin spend a lot of time making memories with someone who's already gone, and in the end they're finally able to bury him, but not their own mixed emotions about what's all taken place.


I'm not exactly sure why this movie moved me, its all a little confusing in the end. And that's exactly, for me, what living in Taiwan as a foreigner is actually like. 


I wonder who I'm most like..... Simon or Darian?

Happy new years! From 2011 to 2012

2011 was a great year. 

I did a lot.

I Started taking my Chinese language learning more serious. I moved closer to work, and I settled into Taipei. It really feels like home now.

This year has gone by faster then the previous years, maybe this is because I'm in more of a pattern again. I go to work, I go to play, I go to the restaurants and bars that I know and like. Theres a greater amount of similarity to things and repetitiveness. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's nice to be familiar with things, with people. It's nice to know a place you can go and always enjoy yourself. The problem with this is that it all starts to blend into concentrated moments that can easily be put into just a few simple categories.

Only thing 2011 really lacked was a solid core of friends. I know a lot of people here, but I'm not really close with many of them, and I didn't find a best guy friend replacement for Christian.

2011 was a calm year. It did have its fair share of adventures of course, but it lived up to its Rabbit moniker. A bit more relaxed then the previous tiger year, no big rumbles in my life.

2011 was about moving beyond introductions and about really trying to get to know this culture and this city. Like really know it, although I wouldn't say I really know it yet.

Life doesn't feel like I'm on a trip, it feels more like I'm just living. Taiwan doesn't feel like a place I came to, it feels like the place I live.

2011 was a happy year. If I was to compare the amount of depression, stress, anxiety and other negative emotions I've battled in the past. 2011 saw the lowest levels in a decade. That's a great thing, and I'd like to see that continue in 2012.

I'm feeling more at peace with who I am and what I'm doing here. Feeling more confident about my life, values and dreams.

2011 was a great year, I'd like something similar in 2012

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My Best and Worst of 2011

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Worst of 2011:

sometimes being frustrated with how I'm ( sometimes ) treated as a foreigner. see the 5 reasons post.

Having my scooter stolen. Not only was it stolen, but it had my only warm jacket inside, and a brand new red helmet that fit my head better then any helmet I've ever owned. Thankfully its winter and I never feel like riding around on it anyways. Enjoy that red helmet you bastard.

Saying goodbye to my good friend Christian. See you in China next summer.

Saying goodbye to Comet, good luck in Australia.


Best of 2011


Chinese New Years at Omas in Miaoli with Mei ti, Val, Joke and Christian

Hanging out with the Belgian girls.

Scooter rides with Christian and generally acting like a ass with him.

Trash holiday with Val and Christian and Liona. That was fantastically ridiculous. Ran around a toxic beach like maniacs, almost stepped on numerous syringes, cut my foot open on a rock and had to get stitches. 5 hour scooter ride home. Great adventure.

Watching Christian audition for a dancing role in a commercial. I hadn't laughed that hard in years.

Moving to my own place closer to work. Sure living with roommates is nice too, but living alone is so comfy. I can do whatever I want, walk around naked, not clean up, leave my AC on full blast all day long if I want... and nobody gets to complain about it.

Meeting and hanging out with Comet. Going to Penghu island and grilling oysters over a fire on the beach. It doesn't get any more fantasy than that.

Climbing Mt Chilai with Ingred and her friends. That was an amazing adventure. Watching the sunrise over the mountains at 3400meters is priceless.

Being introduced to the Japo Place on Fuxing and some other cool places I didn't know about. Thanks "J"

My trip to Tainan with Comet. What a great place!

Meeting with tutors to try and find the right one!

Watching so many Chinese and Taiwanese movies! ( I still can't understand a thing damn it )

My new e-cig

Seeing Liz and Jay in Taiwan and having an amazing week with two of my best US friends.

Netti pot － thanks liz for getting me into this, its amazing!!

Being told by my Chinese tutor that she has seen a huge improvement since she met me. ( oh.... trying to butter me up eh..... )

Ok.... that's just off the top of my head. Every year offers up so many small amazing moments that are hard to recall later.... but those are the things that make a year really great.

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Last year New Years Resolutions - did I???

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Continue to improve my Chinese.  ---- I did I did!

Meet and make friends with old people. --- NO I didn't

work on not trying to control the outcome. --- this is a bit abstract... but, yeah I guess I did.

get a haircut. --- I did, twice, no... three times. My hair is still long though

Do more yoga. --- NO, I did significantly LESS yoga then in 2010

Try not to buy plastic bottles of beverages from 7-11... ( even though I do think they impart a special flavor that's hard to resist. ) ---- YES, I bought very little plastic this year, as I usually refuse to buy any drink in a plastic bottle. Instead I go for the cardboard cartons... which, who knows if that's better or whatever. Plastic is poison.

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This years New Years Resolutions -

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Continue to improve my Chinese. This will be the only big resolution for this year and is really a carry over from last years. the resolution part is to commit to increasing the amount of effort I put into it. I had only just started meeting with a tutor late 2011. This year I will continue to meet with a tutor on Fridays, as well as do Language Exchange every Tues day and Thursdays, while continuing to use my lunch hour to study my textbook. One thing I want to start doing more of though is instigating conversations with strangers to practice more.


A few small ones -- Make better guy friends, Go to Kenting, Visit the USA, Visit mainland China


oh.... and one more....big one...


No guilt : I commit to living this year guilt free. I won't allow others to impose their own sense of right and wrong or skewed sense of moral supiriority on my life or make me feel bad about who I choose to be!

Hey! 

新年快樂！

happy new year to all my friends in Taiwan, China, the USA... or wherever else you are in the world right now. You make my life special!


Chris!